Is It Ever Really “Just Hair”?

You know how when you go to the hairdresser, you have this image in your head of the new hairstyle you want, of the new woman you’re going to be when you leave the salon. Right? Especially when you’re in need of change, and just feel like you need to do something quite drastic, but can’t actually think of anything else than, well, changing your hair!

The other day I had an hour to spare because I had dropped off my glasses to get them updated to a new correction. One hour. Not wanting to browse in a bookshop, not feeling like having a coffee (it would have been the 4th one that day so, no-no), not feeling like anything really. Except, maybe, a spontaneous haircut. I walked up to a salon I’d been before ages ago. Googled them in front of the door to check if I needed to book an appointment which obviously was completely unnecessary because, I was in front of the door. Do you do that sometimes? I certainly do when I’m not feeling my best.

I had this idea of a “Baby in Dirty Dancing vibe” you know? You don’t? She has curly hair. I do to. That’s about all we have in common, but it’s enough.

Anyway, I went in, someone was on the phone telling a client they had no spot available that day so I thought, “well, that’s that, spontaneous doesn’t work for me.” Then, I spoke to one of the hairdressers and almost apologized for asking if maybe they might have some free time now, like in, now. The guy was super nice and told me, of course, have a sit. I freaked out. Inside my head. But still, I FREAKED OUT. A minute before I was smoking a cigarette outside the salon, a minute later, I was having my hair washed.

Obviously, there was a massaging chair, which I just do not like. Let’s be real, It’s NOT a massage. It’s like an annoying moving chair in my opinion. They asked me if I wanted coffee, I wondered, and quickly enough, remembered I was already way too caffeinated at that point. Then the “what do you want then Darling? Fancy a big change?” question popped up. Did I mention I was freaking out?

I had this idea of a “Baby in Dirty Dancing vibe” you know? You don’t? She has curly hair. I do to. That’s about all we have in common, but it’s enough. I also had this vision of Charlotte Rampling’s long layered hair with a grown out fringe. Usually when I go to the hairdresser, I bring pictures which really helps, if you don’t do that already, you should give it a try, it’s life changing. But I did not this time because, it doesn’t really go with trying to be spontaneous I guess.

I had envisioned this new version of myself, with layered but not thinned out hair, a long romantic sort of fringe, a newborn confidence and potentially a new inner strength.

There I am, in the chair, telling the lovely hairdresser that I want to let my hair grow, that I’m letting my curls be but I’d like some structure instead of a long grown out bob, and that a long fringe would look nice, right?

During the process, I’m thinking, “It’s fine. Hair grows. Oh that looks more like a proper fringe… Fine. I’ll have a fringe. It’s not like I can’t put my hair up. Is he still cutting my hair? Don’t look at the floor. Oh I don’t have to, I have hair all over my white jeans. Good. I have no hair left. Fine.” How dramatic!

I had envisioned this new version of myself, with layered but not thinned out hair, a long romantic sort of fringe, a newborn confidence and potentially a new inner strength, all that revealed by the best haircut of all times. I guess in a way, I wanted to walk out and be someone else which is not an easy thing to admit. However, I believe it’s fine to acknowledge it. Don’t we all, sometimes? I feel the need to mention that this is a rhetorical question.

Fast forward an hour. I walked out with the curliest hair ever and a straight fringe which is not the best look (see the photo, I manage it better myself these days, but not there yet!), tiny little hair all over my face and the immediate feeling of needing to pull my hair back. Got my glasses back and a compliment on the haircut which was lovely. Came back home and felt like I’d been in an actual roller coaster. Started to text my friends, and did not really get the answers I wanted because I was simply not able to formulate the terrible question. Was this a mistake?

Now, I’m not Baby, nor Charlotte Rampling, but even if it’s not exactly the style I had in mind, I feel pretty good about it. It’ll grow out and look better I hope. I do find myself having to sort of straighten the fringe because it’s quite short… Doesn’t this description makes it seem like it looks horrendous? Ha. Though honestly, I like it!

The moral of the story is : I’m not someone else. I’m not necessarily a better version of myself. I have freshly cut hair though. I am a tiny bit more spontaneous that a few days ago. I can now say, “I had a fringe once, it was not necessary per se”. Actually you know what? I am a better version of myself because I tried something new.

You might think, “OMG, what is she on about, it’s just hair!”

But, is it really?